The Daily Gut
Recently, Standing before a crowded church, Barack Obama revealed the cause of violence in our country. He said, “There’s a reason they go out and shoot each other, because they don’t love themselves. And the reason they don’t love themselves is because we are not loving them enough.”

So, okay - the reason people are shooting shopkeepers and cops is BECAUSE WE ARE NOT LOVING THEM ENOUGH.

Truthfully, I would love to follow Obama’s advice. IT’S JUST SO HARD TO HUG SOMEONE WHEN THEY’VE GOT A GUN IN YOUR FACE.

It’s amazing that some people still think low self esteem causes crime. The fact is, research shows that criminals have higher levels of self-esteem than anyone on the planet, including Star Jones.

The only thing worse than a real criminal is a pseudo-intellectual who refuses to understand the nature of evil. It’s the disease of modern society - a fear of judgment stemming from the conviction that moral relativism means no one should ever be convicted.

I guess by extension, that means that all sociopaths can be cured by “love.” Do you think we can get Musharaff to find Osama and give him a hug? Then maybe we can lay off of this whole “war on terror” thing. Maybe we can buy Ahmadinejad a warm puppy and he’ll reconsider obliterating Israel.
If only Hitler had gotten that fire engine for Christmas.

I wonder if Obama’s compassion extends to all by criminals? How about a neo-Nazi? A Klansman? Hey Obama, why not send David Duke a candygram?

Obama might be the first conceptual politician in history - offering a national platform based on statements coming off a coffee mug. One probably filled with chai tea.

That’s my gut feeling.

–
Be sure to watch Red Eye on Fox News at 2am EST.

The Daily Gut
The two big issues for both parties? Immigration and terror. Here’s how one issue can solve the other.

Those behind terror are reproducing like crazy. They pump out killers like they’re Doritos. Meanwhile, westerners wear condoms and get abortions. As the enemy grows, we shrink. Numbers dictate success. However, we have a secret weapon: Mexicans.

They’re hard workers and very Catholic - which means they reproduce and are good neighbors. They also love Chevys and think Morrissey is Elvis.

Mexicans are the Eisenhower Generation.

We’ve got two kinds of people making more people. One fosters fanatics who want to blow up our buildings. The other group wants to vacuum them. I know who I’m with. Mexicans. They’re one hope against an enemy whose aim is our own extinction.

While Mexicans bus your table, they’re defending western civilization. While they blow the leaves off your lawn, they’re striking a blow against terror. Mexicans are the Mace against madmen, because they out-screw the creeps who kill for Allah. As we embrace cats over kids, Mexicans multiply - preventing us from becoming Europe - a continent flooded by people who hate them. Mexican families love this country. I don’t like Mexico (diarrhea, people) but I love Mexicans. If you are Mexican, and you aren’t here yet… then come… in every sense of the word. We welcome you with open arms and legs.

We need Mexicans more than they need us. They risk their lives to get here and they’re grateful to be here. So embrace the new front on the war on terror. He’s your waiter. He may be five foot two, but don’t be fooled. He’s tough.

And if you really want to strike a blow against al queda? Tip him twenty five percent.

And that’s my gut feeling.

–

Be sure to watch Red Eye on Fox News at 2am EST.

The Daily Gut
My favorite person in the world - aside from stage and screen actor Wilford Brimley - is Vaclav Klaus, president of the Czech Republic.

In a recent issue of the Financial Times, he writes that “global warming hysteria has become a truth versus propaganda problem.”

He says the issue is more about freedom than about small changes in average global temperature. And he’s right.

The only people who don’t get this are our celebrities, dumb politicians, our misguided media and hairless cats. Why is this?

The scariest thing we face right now is terror. At any moment we could be bombed by demented dipwads whose hatred toward our way of life is matched only by their desire for goat porn.

Every day, they plan our demise. Worse, it’s not like they’re in a rush. Unlike Americans, they don’t need their pizza delivered in 30 minutes or less. It took them a decade to take down the towers, and if it takes them ten years to blow up a mall in L.A., hooray for Hollywood.

What’s this got to with global warming? Everything. Our country is rife with cowards incapable of making objective moral decisions, of discerning good from evil.

Instead of focusing on a real war between civilizations, they`d rather screech about a phony war between us and the globe. Because with global warming there`s only one culprit - you.

And because it’s your fault - then it’s you who must change your life. Global warming is the perfect platform for the self-righteous – you can lecture me, and all I get is bored.

Terrorists aren’t so polite. They really want to kill you, and they defy lectures. They haven’t even seen an Inconvenient Truth!

But for cowards, it’s all about the mother earth, even though mother earth doesn`t fly planes into buildings, strap explosives to teens or execute homosexuals.

Mother earth just sits there, rotating lazily, absorbing Sheryl Crow’s compost. When you’re assessing real threats: terror is red meat, global warming is tofu.

So how do we convince global warmers that terrorism is real? Speak their language: Tell them that terrorism is BAD FOR THE ENVIRONMENT.

I mean, seriously, when those towers fell on September 11th, imagine how all that debris and smoke increased carbon emissions.

The bombings in London on July 7th? Sure they killed people, but imagine what they did to our fragile ecosystem!

And the car bombs in Iraq? If they only switched to Prius’s - imagine how that would reduce our dependence on fossil fuels!

I think George Clooney, Leo Dicaprio and Laurie David should go to Iraq and discuss how terror affects the environment. I bet the terrorists will listen, at least while adjusting the blindfolds.

And that’s my gut feeling!

–

I love you Greg.  Now if only we could get the environmentalists to help in the War on Terror.

Because, the liberals would rather President Bush lose the war on terror, even if it means we all die.