The Daily Gut
Live Earth is approaching this Saturday - you know, the massive music event, featuring 24 hours of music by 150 of the worlds top musicians. The goal? To raise awareness about global warming.

Frankly, there can be no better goal than that. But sadly, many Americans aren’t aware of it. And it’s their lack of awareness about raising awareness that’s at issue.

The interesting fact is you don’t need facts to raise awareness. Never mind that the science behind global warming is about as consistent as I am tall. Which… is not very. In fact, there is absolutely no consensus on global warming other than it may or may not be happening, and we have no idea what to do about it. Other than, of course, raising awareness.

What I love most about raising awareness about the planet is that it allows you to ignore the real problems in your life. Like hygiene, or your mortgage. By thinking globally, you neglect locally. You can see this in any celebrity crusader - from Sean Penn, to Paul Newman, to Al Gore. Intent on saving the planet, they lose their priorities. If Gore spent more time thinking about offspring instead of offsets, maybe his son would not have been caught on a freeway operating a pharmacy on wheels at a 100 miles per hour.

But thank God, Al the Third was driving a Prius, the ultimate environmentally friendly hybrid. And by being arrested in it, the punk did his part to raise awareness for global warming! Just like good old dad!

And that’s my gut feeling.

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What a great line, “When you think globally you fail to think locally.”

Be sure to watch Red Eye on Fox News at 2am EST.

The Daily Gut

The only thing I love more than conspiracies, are people who promote them. That’s why I love Truthers, attention seeking dopes who claim to seek the ‘truth” behind 9/11. They believe the real explanation - that fundamentalist bastards flew planes into buildings - is way too simple, and believing that makes you blind to the truth. They ask that you leave your mind “open” to other explanations - as if openmindedness means wisdom, when it simply means empty.

People embrace conspiracies out of narcissism. They want you to believe they’re smarter than you, that you’re a victim of false consciousness. Meaning, you’re comotose to the evils of America. It’s funny to hear this from a guy who still lives in his mom’s basement.

Whenever I meet a dope who blames 9/11 on Bush - I always ask: how can you prove YOU didn’t do it? He can’t answer. He’s retarded.

The truth about conspiracies is that they aren’t any. If you can’t prevent office gossip, how can you assume a a government can keep a secret? Human beings are natural blabbermouths. By the way, Harry Potter dies.

The best way to crush a theorist is to tell them that the real conspiracy is the plan to make people LIKE THEM fall for conspiracies. So when someone says that 9/11 was an inside job, I reply, “well, that’s what the Jews want you to think,” and walk away. But, truthers are as scummy as Holocaust deniers. People who embrace conspiracies are inherently destructive, because it prevents them from focusing on stuff that really matters: like terrorism or my birthday party (which is coming up by the way)

These idiots think they’re putting their own lives at risk by touting their tripe. So maybe they deserve death, even if it proves they were right.

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Be sure to watch Red Eye on Fox News at 2am EST.