The Daily Gut

The only thing I love more than conspiracies, are people who promote them. That’s why I love Truthers, attention seeking dopes who claim to seek the ‘truth” behind 9/11. They believe the real explanation - that fundamentalist bastards flew planes into buildings - is way too simple, and believing that makes you blind to the truth. They ask that you leave your mind “open” to other explanations - as if openmindedness means wisdom, when it simply means empty.

People embrace conspiracies out of narcissism. They want you to believe they’re smarter than you, that you’re a victim of false consciousness. Meaning, you’re comotose to the evils of America. It’s funny to hear this from a guy who still lives in his mom’s basement.

Whenever I meet a dope who blames 9/11 on Bush - I always ask: how can you prove YOU didn’t do it? He can’t answer. He’s retarded.

The truth about conspiracies is that they aren’t any. If you can’t prevent office gossip, how can you assume a a government can keep a secret? Human beings are natural blabbermouths. By the way, Harry Potter dies.

The best way to crush a theorist is to tell them that the real conspiracy is the plan to make people LIKE THEM fall for conspiracies. So when someone says that 9/11 was an inside job, I reply, “well, that’s what the Jews want you to think,” and walk away. But, truthers are as scummy as Holocaust deniers. People who embrace conspiracies are inherently destructive, because it prevents them from focusing on stuff that really matters: like terrorism or my birthday party (which is coming up by the way)

These idiots think they’re putting their own lives at risk by touting their tripe. So maybe they deserve death, even if it proves they were right.

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Be sure to watch Red Eye on Fox News at 2am EST.